Let go

Waves of nostalgia come crashing in with the silence, the whirring of the ceiling fan above me makes the silence even louder. The thorn in my heart only seems to grow longer every day. I thought it was over the moment I said we were going our own ways, but perhaps sometimes I forget that some people will never leave you, and they will always stay with you till the day you die. The memories will never ever seem to fade, how every thing seems like it was just yesterday. I thought I come just set you down on the table, like the tea cup you gave me and the tea leaves you sent me. Letting go wasn’t as simple as that.

There were many things I thought we could have remained, friends for example. But why choose to stay with someone even as friends when it was the painful option? So you left and I realised that there will always be this gaping hole here that was the year and a half I spent with you. I simply cannot erase it like the mistakes I made on that white sheet of paper you gave me, or smooth out the creases of the shirt that was yours. 

Passing by the places we have been, I couldn’t suppress the images that popped up, the horrible things you’ve said to me, how you’ve made me depressed all the time, insecure about myself and our relationship, how I really hated the fact that you would smoke behind my back and lie to me about it. The distance in your voice during the night time skype calls, and the endless arguing about that mindless issue that I have already forgotten.

Goodbye, goodbye.

Some things should be kept in a box and sealed away, but some things should be given back to the person they belong to, and that way maybe we will be able to move on and let go, like we should.

Goodbye, goodbye.

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